A change is in order

Are RESOLUTIONS good for just the beginning of a new year?

I guess the tone of my last post gave you an idea of my current state. I am unhappy of how my life is going right now. I feel that all aspects of it are failing miserably. Really, there is no one to blame, but my self. I guess im just trying to hide the fact that there is something seriously wrong with me and how i run my life. And now, im in a more serious slump, worse that what i had gone through the previous year.

I feel that i need to change alot. And this entry is dedicated to the things that I intend to change in the comming months. Like what my friend said, and I believe it's also written in the book "The Little Prince" - "tell the universe and it shall conspire to bing you what you desire." Im telling the universe now, or the world wide constellation of bloggers, at least of the things i intend to change and, hopefully, by this time next year i would've been successful at turning my lie arorund for the better.


From this point forward, I will:


LOVE MYSELF and accept myself for who i am, what i can become and what i cannot be.

REFRAIN from envying others because of what they have that i do not.

DISCONNECT from people who do not provide a positive influence in my life.

LET GO of the things that were and instead focus on the NOW and plan for the FUTURE.

RESPECT others for their individuality, choices, and preferences.

ACCEPT people for who they are and try to learn as much good things from them as possible.

LEARN the true value and purpose of life resources and harness them to gain a competetive and positive advantage.

RESPECT my body and treat it in the best possible way.


These are just some of the resolutions i have come up with in order to hopefully make a positive change. Somehow, the universe will conspire to help me achieve these goals and live for the better.

Rico Resurfaces...

I'm still here...

Many have been wondering where i have gone and what happened to me. Yes, im still alive and still trying to thread my way through this impossible needle hole of a life. Alot has happened since my last post - my grandmother's (father's side) death, my other grandmother's (mother's side) recovery from brain surgery, but sadly, she's now incapacitated...only a miracle would bring her back to her old self...may God bless her soul. We have finally bought that new house and would be making a comeback in our home town real soon, however, our financial woes prevent us from making the big move. Which reminds me, i still have to put up my grandma's house on the classifieds so we can sell it and use the proceeds to cover for her medical expenses.

Things aren't looking up for us if i could say so myself...add to that my internal conflicts and occassional depression. My self esteem has not been that healthy. I have been rebelling...manifestation of that would be my weekend getaways at my friend's house in QC. Me not being at my best at work. Forsaking my religious obligations for petty and unimportant things. The worst has come out of me...and for the first time in my life, I am affraid.

I'm affraid that no one likes me because of how i look, my attitude and demeanor.

I'm affraid that my family will not love me any more and deny me because i have been a bad son and brother.

I'm affraid that i do not have any more to give artistically and creatively because im uninspired and unimaginitive.

Im afraid that my shortcommings would affect my life greatly in ways that would inflict harm internally and externally.

What is a guy to do when it seems that the whole world is falling down on him?

But the question still remains - is this fear real or is it just imagined? Are the things in life psyching us out too quickly that we fail to see the opportunities behind the obstacles?

To be honest, I' affraid i do not know the answer to this.

Random mumblings - October 6, 2006

Originally posted November 13, 2006



October 6, 2006

5:47 PM

While listening to Atomic Kitten’s cover of Eternal Flame, I felt a huge surge of unexplainable emotions. I feel low, well maybe because I feel a little bit under the weather. But generally, I just feel tired. Actually I am tired of a lot of things – work and family figures prominently. But what bothers me most is how disagreeable I can become as a person.

I find myself driving people away most of the time. There’s a certain frustration that fuels this unconscious act to shoo people away from me. Am I just generally mad at the world or am I just lonely?

Why do we crave for companionship? Why do we seek friendship? Why do we need validation in our lives? Am I overlooking the fact that there are actual people that can provide me these – my family and my closest friends??