I'm still here...
Many have been wondering where i have gone and what happened to me. Yes, im still alive and still trying to thread my way through this impossible needle hole of a life. Alot has happened since my last post - my grandmother's (father's side) death, my other grandmother's (mother's side) recovery from brain surgery, but sadly, she's now incapacitated...only a miracle would bring her back to her old self...may God bless her soul. We have finally bought that new house and would be making a comeback in our home town real soon, however, our financial woes prevent us from making the big move. Which reminds me, i still have to put up my grandma's house on the classifieds so we can sell it and use the proceeds to cover for her medical expenses.
Things aren't looking up for us if i could say so myself...add to that my internal conflicts and occassional depression. My self esteem has not been that healthy. I have been rebelling...manifestation of that would be my weekend getaways at my friend's house in QC. Me not being at my best at work. Forsaking my religious obligations for petty and unimportant things. The worst has come out of me...and for the first time in my life, I am affraid.
I'm affraid that no one likes me because of how i look, my attitude and demeanor.
I'm affraid that my family will not love me any more and deny me because i have been a bad son and brother.
I'm affraid that i do not have any more to give artistically and creatively because im uninspired and unimaginitive.
Im afraid that my shortcommings would affect my life greatly in ways that would inflict harm internally and externally.
What is a guy to do when it seems that the whole world is falling down on him?
But the question still remains - is this fear real or is it just imagined? Are the things in life psyching us out too quickly that we fail to see the opportunities behind the obstacles?
To be honest, I' affraid i do not know the answer to this.
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2 comments:
everything has an answer. what you need is just to sit back, relax ur mind and reflect what has been through and what could be forthcoming. fear is something of the mind so u have complete control over it. good luck, budd.
Now is the best time to blog about your life. In my long years that I've known you, I have this feeling that you have this cycle. It happened before, and the last time it did, I was closely following behind you.
Whenever I feel down, lost and confused, the first thing I run to is my blog. It is where I draw the strength to figure out what to do when things seem to be impossible to me. Welcome back dude.
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